Success in this world is becoming wealthier, more powerful, more popular, and achieving more awards. I would like to add something important. Success in this world also includes no pain or struggle. We want comfortable and easy.
However, success according to Scripture, is becoming the person God calls you to become, and doing what God calls you to do – in His way, and according to His timetable. – Pete Scazzero. And sometimes, that includes walking through times of pain, struggle, grief, and loss. It may take time to wrap your mind around this. Spiritual success can be found as you walk through struggle.
Think about that for a second. Success to God is surrender. That’s available to everyone. It’s not based on what you build, what you accomplish, who you know or how much you know. However, success in this world isn’t available to everyone is it? It is completely based on what you achieve, what you own and how pretty you are. No wonder so many people are depressed and filled with anxiety in our world as they chase what the world says is success. The question has to be what is success to you? Are you relaxed and enjoying a closer relationship with God? Or are you worn out as you strive and struggle to prove yourself in this world?
Last week Sam talked about how we want to avoid pain and struggle. He really challenged us to deal with reality. He said the reality of life is, it is filled with pain and struggle. Then he said something simple but very powerful. Pain is painful. And most people reaching for success, want to avoid pain at all costs. However, to deal with reality means we must deal with pain and struggle. That’s where you find freedom. To avoid our pain, to stuff it or numb it, means we are not living in reality.
Remember how he said our culture naturally wants to avoid dealing with pain and negative things? We just want the positive – right? We want our pastors to tell us about the good things. How God will help us be more successful and more comfortable.
Sam read what David wrote in Psalms 31.
Be strong and courageous, all you who put your hope in the Lord! NLT Psalms 31:24
We love this verse. It’s inspiring. We have it on T-Shirts and coffee mugs. Then Sam read verses 9 and 10 from the same chapter.
9 Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am in distress. Tears blur my eyes. My body and soul are withering away. 10 I am dying from grief; my years are shortened by sadness. Sin has drained my strength; I am wasting away from within. NLT Psalms 31:9-10
David wrote, “I am dying from grief,” “Sin has drained my strength.” We don’t have that on T-Shirts or mugs, do we? How many of those T-Shirts would you buy? Reality doesn’t sell – does it? We don’t like that icky stuff. Give us success, wealth, health, and comfort.
How do most people deal with their pain? Sam told us, we run from it. And that makes sense because, again, pain is painful. Instead of turning into pain and dealing with it, we avoid it at all costs. We keep building, earning, doing, serving, controlling, addicting.
As the years go by, we stuff our pain or numb our pain. One of the greatest challenges we have is when people experience Jesus but they don’t make choices to deal with their pain. What happens? They go back to what they used to do to stuff the pain or numb the pain.
Please hear me. There is a price to pay when we ignore our pain. We become less and less human because we won’t deal with the reality of our hearts. And over time we experience a dull, low-level depression. That depression will steal you passion for God, the mission of God, and the things of God. You will probably still go to church but with little to no passion.
I have to stop and ask you, is this you? Has that low-level depression moved in on you? Have you been ignoring God, ignoring your pain and struggle, and just feeling hollow inside?
As Christians we don’t know what to think when we have to deal with pain and struggle. Maybe God has failed us, or we have failed him. Because we were not taught how to deal with grief or loss, we can become empty shells with painted smiley faces who show up to church to proclaim, ‘Jesus is victorious.’ And yet that low-level depression continues to grow in us.
During our mid-week discipleship class, we talked about this very issue. One person quickly shared, “This is so real and so helpful to people, why don’t churches talk about this? Why isn’t this clearly explained?” I quickly responded, “It doesn’t sell. If you are trying to build a church, puff up attendance, you need to focus on tips and techniques to success and stay away from the reality of life; like grief and loss.”
I want to read Psalms 23.
1 Because the Lord is my Shepherd, I have everything I need!
2-3 He lets me rest in the meadow grass and leads me beside the quiet streams. He gives me new strength. He helps me do what honors him the most.
4 Even when walking through the dark valley of death I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me, guarding, guiding all the way.
5 You provide delicious food for me in the presence of my enemies. You have welcomed me as your guest blessings overflow!
6 Your goodness and unfailing kindness shall be with me all of my life, and afterwards I will live with you forever in your home. TLB
Did you see what David wrote in verse 1? The Lord is my shepherd. David views God like a loving shepherd. That means God walks with us through life. He guards us. He guides us. And he is always with us.
I want to ask you a question. How do you view God? I ask because how you view God determines what you expect from God. If you see God as a shepherd, you realize God will walk with you through life. He will guard you. He will guide you. He will always be with you. In the good times and the bad times.
If you view God as a genie in a bottle who is supposed to give you three wishes, you may view God as someone who is supposed to give you what you want. The wishes of Health. Wealth. Success. Comfort. This basically means you get to be ‘god’ and you are in control of your life. And if God doesn’t give you your wish, he is a bad God.
If you view God as an administrative assistant, you may view God as someone who is supposed to live for you and all your needs. And you desperately need God to get on your agenda, preferably today. This means you are probably walking through life paying very little to God while at the same time expecting him to come through in every moment. And if God doesn’t make life easier for you, he is a bad God.
If you view God as an angry and vengeful being, you may view God as someone waiting for you to mess up. And when you mess up, the judgement of God will fall on you. This means you walk around in fear, you feel insecure, and you feel scared of making mistakes. And if bad things happen, you assume you did something bad and your judgement is pain.
Please hear me. God is a shepherd. God will walk with you through life. He will guard you. He will guide you. He will always be with you.
Did you notice verse 4? Even when walking through the dark valley of death I will not be afraid.
That means we will walk through times of pain and struggle. Times of grief and loss. Times when it will feel dark and scary. As a shepherd God will be with you as he leads you through good times and bad times. We don’t have to be afraid. Why? David wrote, …for you are close beside me, guarding, guiding all the way.
Let’s stop and think about this. How you view God determines what you expect from God. If you view God as a shepherd, you know God will walk with you through life. He will guard you. He will guide you. He will always be with you. That means you can trust him and surrender your life to him. Even in your worst life moments. In your darkest moments. And if God is your shepherd, you don’t need to be afraid.
Let me ask you, how do you view God? A shepherd? A genie? An administrative assistant? An angry vengeful being?
When I was younger, I heard Psalms 23, but I didn’t understand Psalms 23. When I was younger, I thought God being my shepherd was awesome. But as I became an adult, without realizing it, my view of God changed. He wasn’t my shepherd anymore. God was a mix of things to me. Sometimes God was my genie who needed to grant me a wish. Sometimes God was my administrative assistant who needed to come through for me even though I ignored him. Other times God was an angry and vengeful being who was making me pay for mistakes I made.
As I grew up and life unfolded, when I had to walk through times that felt like the dark valley of death, I was afraid. Very afraid because I had lost control. Silly thing is, I was never in control. But in my pride, I demanded control. I wasn’t ready to walk through hard times.
I didn’t want to deal with pain or struggle. I didn’t want to deal with grief or loss. Those things were an interruption to my life of success. They held me back from the life of comfort and control that I wanted. My world taught me, success is to push away pain and struggle to find what I wanted. I didn’t know how to deal with my dark valley of death. I just thought God was getting in my way of what I wanted, or I was being punished for something.
At that moment, I didn’t want a shepherd who led me through a dark valley, I wanted a genie to grant my wish and make it go away. Let me ask you, how do you view God? Remember, how you view God determines what you expect from him.
Please hear me. God is a shepherd. God will walk with you through life. He will guard you. He will guide you. He will always be with you.
I want you to know something that is very important.
Some of the greatest spiritual discoveries will only come through grief and loss. That means, some of the moments in your life when you have the greatest spiritual success, will only come in your struggle.
Scripture teaches this;
God is educating you; that’s why you must never drop out. He’s treating you as dear children. This trouble you’re in isn’t punishment; it’s training… At the time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off big-time, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God. MSG Hebrews 12:7, 11
A couple things I want you to think about. First, success in our world is hard to find. It isn’t available to everyone. And it means we push away pain. Think about that. If some of our greatest spiritual discoveries are found in grief and loss, and success is this world pushes away pain, that means we are pushing God away and every spiritual discovery.
However, if God is my loving shepherd, I can trust Him as I walk through grief and loss. He is not only going to walk us through great times of rest but times of struggle, too.
How do we follow our shepherd through the dark valley of death? I think we need to start with this. You are not in control. You have never been in control. You are not in control, and you will never be in control. This means life will unfold and you will have no control in what happens. And when you have to walk through pain, struggle, grief or loss, don’t try to take control and push pain away.
How do I follow my shepherd into the valley of death? Stage 1. This is real. The pain in life is real. To try to numb it or stuff it, that will never work. Here’s why. It only comes back. Do you know how? It grows and grows inside you, and it comes back in the form of depression, anxiety, or emptiness.
When faced with the dark valley of death, walking through grief and loss, you will need to deal with it because it’s real. To ignore it only leads to being spiritually shallow. It means you will avoid what God is trying to teach you. It leads to being a smiley empty shell who shows up to church announcing that ‘Jesus is victorious.’ You will need to be real and identify your emotions as you walk through pain.
A couple questions that may help you. Take the time, weeks or months or years, and ask yourself, in life, what am I angry about? What are you sad about? What are you anxious about? What are you glad about? What is it that I am hiding from people around me? Am I enjoying God’s love and forgiveness of me?
As you wrestle with this, remember, God, your shepherd, is walking with you. He will guard you. He will guide you. He will always be with you. This leads to stage 2.
How do I follow my shepherd into the valley of death? Stage 2. Wait on God and it won’t make sense. Abraham was promised a son, it took 25 years. Joseph became the second in command of Egypt, it took almost 20 years of slavery and prison time. It’s no different for us today. Walking through grief and loss means we will have to wait on God and it won’t make sense. It will feel confusing and disorienting. It won’t fit into what we want. But we keep pursuing God.
The temptation you will have as you wait on God is to make something happen. Abraham did that. Eleven years into waiting, he slept with Hagar to make God’s plan work.
1 Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. But she had an Egyptian slave named Hagar; 2 so she said to Abram, “The Lord has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my slave; perhaps I can build a family through her. ” Abram agreed to what Sarai said. NIV Genesis 16:1-2
From that moment on, the descendants of Hagar [Ishmael] have been at war with the descendants of Sarai [Isaac].
In this time period, everything inside you will want to fix something, do something, make it make sense. And if you do, you will create your own Ishmael.
Stage 1. Your pain is real.
Stage 2. Wait on God and it won’t make sense.
Stage 3. Walk into a new life.
5 “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, 6 because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”
7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? 8 If you are not disciplined – and everyone undergoes discipline – then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. NIV Hebrews 12:5-8
Did you know that? Like we said before, the trouble you are in isn’t punishment; it’s training. Endure hardship as discipline. It’s in this time period we hate and it feels confusing that God does something spiritual. As we pursue God and wait in confusion, God removes things, breaks things, and injects things into our lives. He can remove things like ego and immaturity. He breaks things like greed or pride. He injects things like compassion and love. Now, please hear me. The only way these spiritual things will ever be injected into your soul is when we trust God and wait on God, and it will go against everything that feels like you are in control.
Let me ask you, how do you view God? Remember, how you view God determines what you expect from him. And if God is your shepherd, you can trust him. That means God will walk with you through life. He will guard you. He will guide you. And he will always be with you.
If God is your shepherd, you can trust him to lead you. That includes the good times and the bad times.
1 Because the Lord is my Shepherd, I have everything I need!
2-3 He lets me rest in the meadow grass and leads me beside the quiet streams. He gives me new strength. He helps me do what honors him the most.
4 Even when walking through the dark valley of death I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me, guarding, guiding all the way.
5 You provide delicious food for me in the presence of my enemies. You have welcomed me as your guest blessings overflow!
6 Your goodness and unfailing kindness shall be with me all of my life, and afterwards I will live with you forever in your home. TLB
Who is God to you? A shepherd? A genie? An administrative assistant? An angry and vengeful being?
Please hear me. He is a loving shepherd. Allow him to walk with you through grief and loss. It’s the place where you will find your greatest spiritual discoveries.