Welcome to our series called Case Closed.  We are using the imagery of a court case to talk about the gospel of Jesus.  

Every day, we wake up, and we go to court.  How?  We often live our lives like we are on trial.  We can spend our whole lives trying to look good to others.  We try to build our case and prove we are good enough, successful enough, valuable enough, or spiritual enough.  We care too much about what others think.  We live feeling like we are never enough.  We are constantly looking for some kind of verdict that says: "We're okay." "We're enough." "We matter."  And here is the most beautiful thing that we could share with you.  Because of Jesus, we never have to go to court.  We are free.  We can rest in what God says about us.  

Sam opened this series and over the past two weeks gave us great questions to wrestle.

Question 1: What do you think God thinks about you?  

Your answer tells you about your faith, how you live, what you think about yourself, how you treat others, your impact on your marriage, and on and on.

Question 2: Why do we struggle to ever feel like we are enough?

The answer Sam gave was our ego.   Sam explained our ego is empty, painful, busy, and fragile.  Our ego is restless and constantly striving to find value and approval in life.

When our girls were entering Middle School and High School, we had to navigate a huge challenge.  The challenge was acceptance.  Who would accept them as friends?  What sports team would accept them, give them courage, and help them feel like they are a part of a team?  What musical group or school play would accept them and help them build confidence?  How would our girls accept other girls and create healthy friendships?  Through those years, as we navigated acceptance, there were a lot of conversations, hurts, tears, and misunderstandings.  I remember how excited I was when the Christmas break started.  Time away from school meant the girls could finally take a break from the pressure of acceptance from other girls.  They could be with us, and we could love them at home.  

Do you remember those days?   The pressure of acceptance is intense.   If you are accepted and celebrated, if you make the team, you feel awesome.  If you are rejected or ignored, if you are cut from a team, it can shred your confidence.  And the truth is, as we leave High School and grow older, the validation of others doesn’t change – does it?  We crave it.   We are just older and are better at hiding it.  It can be the way we live.  Why is this?   We are looking to this world and to others to build our ego.  We want others to notice us, approve of us, to make us feel valuable.  And here is the problem with looking to this world and people for our value.  

When my value comes from people's approval, people control me, not God.  And my emotions are all over the place.

How do people control us?   At least six ways.  

1. When we look to people to notice us and build our value, we become people-pleasers. That means we do what keeps others happy rather than what is right, so they will like us.  I want to add something here.  If I am a people pleaser, I treat people far from me better than those close to me, and we never see it.  And, chances are, you are hurting those closest to you, and you don't even see it.  This is why you can treat your friends in school better than you would your family.  This is why, as a couple or family, you can be mean to each other and the moment a visitor shows up, everyone becomes nice.  Notice, other people are controlling us.

2. If someone compliments us, we are happy; if they criticize us, we are crushed.  Notice: other people are controlling us.

3. We are insecure and compare ourselves to others constantly.  Notice: other people… you get the idea.

4. We hide who we really are because we believe that if people knew who we really are, they would reject us.  

5. And if someone is successful, it can make us feel like a failure.  

6. Over time, we are tired.   Why?  It’s exhausting living this way because it’s hard to manage everyone’s opinion of us.  

Worst of all, God isn’t in control of our lives.

Do you remember what Scripture says about the approval of others?

Galatians 1:10 You can see that I am not trying to please you by sweet talk and flattery; no, I am trying to please God. If I were still trying to please men I could not be Christ’s servant.

Do you see it?  If I am trying to please people, I can’t be Christ’s servant.  Who you go to find your value matters.  If you go to others to be noticed and find value, it’s a mess; people end up controlling you.  If you go to God for value, you find transformation and freedom.

Let’s talk quickly about what we are not saying.  When we say, don’t care about the approval of others, we are not saying you are allowed to be rude, offensive, and callous.  No.  If you are surrendering your life to God and enjoying God’s grace and approval, you will be able to take the focus off yourself and love others well.  Second, we are not saying you can reject authority and be rebellious.  No.   Some people think not caring what others think is permission to be independent and defiant against authority.   If you are enjoying God’s grace and approval, you will be able to love and serve those in authority.  Lastly, we are not saying to be lazy or indifferent in life.  No.  Some people can think not caring what others think means you can be unproductive.  If you are enjoying God’s grace and approval, that empowers you to be disciplined and great at what you do.

Let’s have some fun and personalize this.  22 indicators that reveal the opinions of others control us.  Let’s see if we find ourselves on this list.

1. You worry a lot about what people think of you.   In every social moment, you think others are weighing and measuring you.
2. You replay conversations and wonder, “Did I say the right thing? What did they think of me?”
3. Criticism feels like rejection.
4. Someone points out something you did wrong, and instead of thinking, “I made a mistake,” you feel, “There’s something wrong with me.”
5. Compliments make you feel valuable.
6. You need people to notice, affirm, praise, or recognize you to feel good about yourself.  
7. You need to be noticed, or you pull away from relationships or serving in church.
8. You have a hard time saying ‘no’.
9. You say ‘yes’ because you are afraid of disappointing someone, upsetting them, or being disliked.
10. You change your behavior depending on who you're around.  You act differently when at church, work, family, friends, etc.
11. You compare yourself with others… constantly.    
12. You measure your appearance, success, relationships, possessions, or accomplishments against other people.
13. You take rejection personally.
14. Someone doesn't invite you, respond to you, like your idea, or choose you, and it affects how you see yourself.
15. You are afraid to make decisions people won't like because you need them to like you.
16. You know what you believe or want to do, but the possibility of someone's disapproval keeps you from doing it.
17. You feel disappointed when your work, sacrifice, achievement, or contribution goes unnoticed.
18. You struggle when someone else succeeds.  Their success somehow feels like it takes something away from your value.
19. You avoid conflict at almost any cost.
20. Keeping everyone happy becomes more important than telling the truth or doing what is right.
21. You obsess over your image.
22. You spend more energy managing how you appear to others than becoming who you actually are.

Do you see yourself on this list?

Why do the opinions of others impact us so deeply?  Because we wake up every day and drag ourselves into court.  There is a judge, and the world is the jury.  There is a prosecutor, and we are the defendant.  As we sit in court, we look to the jury, and we wonder, ‘Am I good enough?  Will you like me?’  We build our case for everyone to see.  We are willing to change who we are so the jury will like us.  We show how busy and accomplished we are so the jury will approve of us.  We try to look really impressive so they will accept us.  We look to the jury, the world, and others, and wonder, ‘Will you notice me? Have I performed well enough for your approval?’  And we do this every day.

We drag ourselves into court every day, desperately wanting the jury to build our ego.  And over years of doing this, we are a mess because sometimes the verdict from the jury is that we are approved.  Other days the verdict from the jury is that we are not approved.  All along, we know something is wrong.  We feel empty inside.  We feel insecure because the verdict changes every day.  We find ourselves caught, addicted, and worn out trying to get people to notice us and approve of us to build our ego.  

How do we stop letting the opinions of others control us?  How do we stop dragging ourselves into court every day?  How do we live in freedom?

Let’s go to Scripture.

1 Corinthians 4:3 I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. 4 My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. NIV

What does Paul say?  I know who I am and what I have done.  I used to hunt down and kill Christians.  I am the chief sinner.  I care very little if I am judged by you or any human court.   I don’t care about what others think about me.  I don’t even care about what I think about myself.  I care only what God thinks of me.  

The way you pull yourself out of court every day is to stop caring what others think about you and care deeply about what God thinks of you.  It sounds simple, but it can be hard.  To care about what God thinks is what it means to be transformed by God’s grace.   I rest in what God says about me.   I don’t wake up and drag myself into court anymore.  I don’t sit and listen to the prosecutor point out how bad I am.  I don’t wait for the verdict from the jury anymore.  I am free from going to court.  I am free because what matters, the only thing that matters, is what God says about me.  Can you imagine living in that freedom?  Never walking into the courtroom to find the approval of others.   Free from what other kids in school think.  Not even caring what you think about yourself.  Free from what other adults think.

Here is the problem.  Many of us would say we have heard about God’s grace and we believe in God’s grace.  But we are stuck.  We aren’t resting in what God has said about us.  Every day we still drag ourselves back into court, and we live for the approval of others.  It’s how we live.  It’s what we learned in high school, and we haven’t stopped.  We’ve been doing this for so long, it’s our routine.  It’s normal.  And we can’t imagine living another way.  We wake up, and our natural default setting is: I must be noticed; I must get the approval of others.  

I know all about this.   For me, this has been a long and hard journey.  You know that list we walked through?  That list defined my life at one point.  I learned early on that it feels great when people notice you.  It feels great when people approve of you.  I also learned how devastating it is when people didn’t approve of me.  It took me too long to learn what I am telling you today.  Please hear me:

When my value comes from people's approval, people control me, not God.   

What do we do?  Understand that God’s grace has the power to break our addiction.  The power to break the control people have in our lives.  How?  Jesus already knows everything about you: the good, the bad, and the ugly.  He knows every failure and weakness, every sin, every insecurity, every thought, feeling, and urge you have tried to hide, and He still came for you.  You can rest in His love for you.

Romans 3:23 All have sinned; all fall short of God’s glorious ideal; 24 yet now God declares us “not guilty” of offending him if we trust in Jesus Christ, who in his kindness freely takes away our sins. TLB

Same verse, different translation.  

Romans 3:23 For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. 24 Yet God, in his grace, freely makes us right in his sight. NLT 

Are you looking for value for self-worth?  That makes you normal; we all want that.  Do you need to be noticed to feel good about yourself?  Here is the deal.  We will only find our value in Jesus.  It’s not about you being good enough because you are not; it’s about the fact that Jesus is good enough.  It's not about building the perfect case for yourself. It’s not about going to court waiting for the verdict to be handed down.  It's realizing that you don't need to go to court at all.  

Let’s close with this.   I shared with you 22 indicators that reveal that the opinions of others might control us.  If you saw yourself on that list, I ask that you do this one thing.   This one thing is what it means to experience God’s grace as you live life.  This one thing can radically change your life.  Are you ready?

Make pleasing God more important than pleasing people.  How?   Understand that the only opinion that matters is God’s opinion.  If you saw yourself on that list, you must understand you are in a battle.  You will have to break old ways of thinking and start new ways of thinking.  It’s going to take at least thirty days.  

Start every day by reminding yourself what Jesus has done and what Jesus has said about you.  

2 Corinthians 5:21 God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. NIV

Jesus paid the price for you.  Jesus placed His righteousness in you.  Start the day living in gratitude for what Jesus has done in you and what Scripture says about you.  Don’t live in the insecurity of wondering if people will like you.  Remind yourself that you don’t need to go to court today.

God’s grace isn’t just about getting to heaven; it’s about transforming how you live every day now.   Make pleasing God more important than pleasing people.  Why?  

When my value comes from people's approval, people control me, not God.    

Here is the closing question: Who do you go to be noticed and feel valued?