Today we start with scripture.  Before I read it for you, I want to give you context.  The author of this letter, Hebrews, is writing to the Jewish Christians experiencing persecution.  Life for them is very hard.  There are people in their community going out of their way to persecute them.  Imagine getting a letter that says the following: 

Hebrews 12:14 Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. NIV

Same verse, different translation.

Hebrews 12:14-17 Work at getting along with each other and with God. Otherwise you’ll never get so much as a glimpse of God. MSG

How do we treat the people going out of their way to persecute us, to make life hard on us?  Scripture says, to make every effort to live in peace and be holy.  For us today, we aren’t being persecuted like the early church was but the principle still stands.  Make every effort to live in peace and be holy. 

I want to share an analogy that might help us remember this verse in our personal relationships.   When I say a ‘relationship fire’, you know what that means – right?  A ‘relationship fire’ is a misunderstanding, a hurt or wound, drama, or something negative that can change or end the relationship.  When you have a ‘relationship fire’, you have a choice to make.   You can throw gas on it, and the fire will burn even hotter.  Or you can throw water on it and hopefully reduce the fire damage.  That’s what Hebrews is talking about.  Make every effort to live in peace.  When possible, throw water on it.  Make every effort to get along with each other.  

So, let me ask you the question for today, ‘Has your faith in Jesus disrupted your view of peace?’  A good follow-up question would be, ‘How do you treat a relationship fire, do you throw gas or water?’  Do you tend to make things worse or better?  

I ask because what comes naturally to us is the opposite of what scripture teaches.  Let me give you a couple of examples.  When your kid is cut from the team, what rises up inside of you?  Is it the desire to rip into the coach and talk to every parent you know about how unfair it is, or do you use that moment to help your kid learn how to handle a setback well?  When your spouse makes no sense and hurts you again, what rises up inside of you?  Is it the desire to prove that you are right once and for all or do you use that moment to reassure them that you still love them?  When a friend or friend group lets you down again, what rises up inside of you?  Is it the desire to pull away, say nothing, and sulk or do you use that moment to have an honest conversation?  You see, everything that comes naturally to us screams the very opposite of what scripture teaches. 

Let’s read what Jesus taught.

Matthew 5:38-48 Here’s another old saying that deserves a second look: ‘Eye for eye, tooth for tooth.’ Is that going to get us anywhere? Here’s what I propose: ‘Don’t hit back at all.’ If someone strikes you, stand there and take it. If someone drags you into court and sues for the shirt off your back, giftwrap your best coat and make a present of it. And if someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously.

You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the supple moves of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best - the sun to warm and the rain to nourish - to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.

In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.” MSG

Gotta ask you, does Jesus bug you?  He said, don’t hit back.  Go the extra mile.  Practice the servant's life.  Love your enemies.  Pray for them.  Then Jesus says, ‘Grow up.’  Jesus taught, when someone hurts you, sues you, or takes advantage of you, or worse, if you have an enemy, here is what I want you to do.  Live in peace.  Throw water on it.  Don’t hit back, take it.  If they sue you, give them more.  If they take unfair advantage of you, serve them back.  Whatever you do, don’t live to get even.  Live generously.  Love your enemies.  When they give you a hard time, be kind and pray for them.  And hear me, living like this is normal if you’re a disciple of Jesus.   It’s what it means to be a mature Christian.  Why?   You are treating others the way God treats you. 

Let me ask you, ‘Has your faith in Jesus disrupted your view of peace?’  Is making every effort to live in peace normal for you?  In real-life moments when everything inside you screams for revenge, justice, tit-for-tat, what do you do?  Do you hang on to your grudges?  Do you want others to hurt the same if not more than how much they hurt you?   When hurt or taken advantage of, do you want a pound of flesh?  When hurt, do you pull away, sulk, and ultimately end the relationship with no discussion?  Do you make every effort to live in peace?  Do you throw gas or water on the relationship fire?

Before I move on, I want to stop and talk about three specific situations to help clarify what it means to live in peace in different situations.  Situation 1: if you are in a physically abusive relationship.  Hear me, get out now.  Seek help now.  Go to the authorities now.  Don’t stay in a physically abusive relationship.  Situation 2: if you are in a toxic relationship, you’re going to need to live with a different set of rules to live by.  We call them boundaries.  Toxic relationships, when in a relationship with addiction, will require a different set of rules to live by.  Situation 3: If you are a parent or a leader, it’s important to not abdicate your leadership authority.  As a parent, you need to be a parent and have rules for your kids.  As a leader, you need to lead and have expectations.  We hope this helps, please reach out with further questions.  

Back to what Jesus taught.  When someone hurts you, sues you, or takes advantage of you, or worse, if you have an enemy, here is what I want you to do.  Live in peace.  Throw water on it.  Don’t hit back, take it.  If they sue you, give them more.  If they take unfair advantage of you, serve them back.  Whatever you do, don’t live to get even.  Live generously.  Love your enemies.  When they give you a hard time, be kind and pray for them.  

Does this come naturally to you?  It doesn’t me.  What’s normal?  What is normal is retaliation and revenge.  You hurt me, I hurt you.  Tit-for-tat.   And because that is normal in the world we live in, it’s probably what was modeled for you growing up.  It’s probably deeply engrained into you and it’s your first reaction as an adult.  And that makes it that much more difficult to live differently.  And if you live out the words of Jesus, you will be the odd one.  When your kid is cut you could rip into the coach, but you don’t, you go out of your way to make every effort to live in peace, you will be the odd one.  When your spouse drives you nuts and you can prove to everyone that you are right, but you don’t, you go out of your way to live in peace, you will be the odd one.  When your friend/s hurts you, you could pull away and sulk, but if you don’t, if you engage and work out your relationship, you will be the odd one.  What comes naturally screams the very opposite of what scripture teaches. 

So how do we practically make every effort to live in peace?  How do we live in a way that throws water on our relationship fires?  I want to share three principles we will need to wrestle with.  

Principle 1: When you are mean, it’s not because someone hurt you, it’s because that’s who you decided to be.

Does that sound offensive?  It’s not meant to be.  It’s meant to remove our excuses as to why we are mean and take ownership of how we respond to others.  It is common for people to have experienced hurt and then use that hurt as their excuse as to why they hurt others.  You’ve heard the expression, ‘Hurt people hurt people.’  It’s true.  We see it in life all the time.  And that may include you.  You may have been deeply wounded.  And instead of dealing with the wound, you may have chosen to hold onto it, and because of that, you are mean to others.  And if anyone confronts you about being mean, you look back at that hurt and say, ‘It’s not my fault, I’m this way because I have been hurt.’ 

Please hear me, when you are mean, it’s not because someone hurt you, it’s because that’s who you decided to be.  Everyone has been hurt.  Everyone has experienced wounds, setbacks, and challenges.  That’s not unique to you.  And everyone has a choice to make, including you.  Here is the choice: regardless of all the negative things that have happened to me, moving forward, will I choose to be mean or kind?    

Scripture says this.

Ephesians 4:31-32 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. NLT

We either decide to keep bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander or we dump those things.   And because of Jesus, we can choose to be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving toward others.  

So, how do you treat those around you?  Have you been deeply hurt and do you hold onto bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander?  Has that hurt been your excuse as to why you treat others in a mean way?  What do you say when others point out that you are mean?   Please hear me, that hurt doesn’t have to control you.  You can let go of all of it.  You can be free.  

Psalms 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. NLT

The way you let go and find healing for the hurt in your life is to ask God to forgive and heal you.   

Principle 2: To be like God, you give others what God gave you, forgiveness.

Matthew 6:14-15 In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can’t get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God’s part. MSG

I want to share a story with you.  Corrie Ten Boom and her sister were placed in a concentration camp by the Nazi’s because their family hid Jews in their home in WW2.  Her sister died in the concentration camp.  Years later, after Corrie spoke in a church, she came face to face with one of her Nazi guards from the camp.  Let’s read.

Betsie and I had been arrested for concealing Jews in our home during the Nazi occupation of Holland; this man had been a guard at Ravensbrück concentration camp where we were sent.  Now he was in front of me, hand thrust out: “A fine message, fräulein! How good it is to know that, as you say, all our sins are at the bottom of the sea!”

And I, who had spoken so glibly of forgiveness, fumbled in my pocketbook rather than take that hand. He would not remember me, of course - how could he remember one prisoner among those thousands of women?  But I remembered him and the leather crop swinging from his belt. It was the first time since my release that I had been face to face with one of my captors and my blood seemed to freeze.

“You mentioned Ravensbrück in your talk,” he was saying. “I was a guard in there.” No, he did not remember me.  “But since that time,” he went on, “I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well. Fräulein”–again the hand came out - “will you forgive me?”  

Let’s stop there.  What would you have done?

Let’s keep reading to see what happens.

And so woodenly, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes.

“I forgive you, brother!” I cried. “With all my heart!”

For a long moment we grasped each other’s hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God’s love so intensely as I did then.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned at 80 years of age, it’s that I can’t store up good feelings and behavior - but only draw them fresh from God each day.  Source: Guidepost

That story is amazing.   I can’t imagine what Corrie Ten Boom had to walk through.  I can’t imagine the emotions around forgiving a Nazi prison guard who was a part of killing her sister.  But she forgave.

To be like God, you give others what God gave you, forgiveness.  

How are you doing with forgiveness?  Do you hold onto hurt to use it against others later?  Or do you forgive and let go?  

Every time we talk about forgiveness I always need to share this quote.  

“Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die.”  

All unforgiveness does is hurt you.  

Principle 3: To be ungrateful to God, don’t give what God gave you, instead get revenge.

Romans 12:17-21 If someone has done you wrong, do not repay him with a wrong. Try to do what everyone considers to be good. Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody. Never take revenge, my friends, but instead let God's anger do it. For the scripture says, “I will take revenge, I will pay back, says the Lord.” Instead, as the scripture says: “If your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them a drink; for by doing this you will make them burn with shame.” Do not let evil defeat you; instead, conquer evil with good. GNT

Did you see that line that says, ‘…never take revenge, let God’s anger do that…’?  As disciples of Jesus, it’s not our role to get revenge, it’s God’s.  And the moment you give up the desire for revenge, that frees you up to love, to be focused on living the way Jesus asked.  We defeat evil by loving our enemy.   

You see, when you gave your life to Jesus, you gave your life to Jesus.  He is now in control.  He will take care of revenge.  When we want revenge, we are putting ourselves back in control and demanding things go the way we want.  But when we give up revenge, we are putting Jesus in control of our lives and surrendering to what He wants. 

We must understand that revenge is from our selfish human desire to be in control, to be the decision-maker, and to get payback.  Let’s read what scripture says.

Galatians 6:7-8 Do not deceive yourselves; no one makes a fool of God. You will reap exactly what you plant. If you plant in the field of your natural desires, from it you will gather the harvest of death; if you plant in the field of the Spirit, from the Spirit you will gather the harvest of eternal life. GNT

You simply cannot plant revenge in your relationships and expect that your life will go well.   You will reap what you plant.   When you live in a way where you are always planting your human selfish desires, your relationships will crumble.   It’s like throwing gas on the fire and then acting surprised that it fire burns hotter.

Let’s close with this.   Has your faith in Jesus disrupted your view of peace?  And remember we started in Hebrews that addressed the church that was being persecuted.   It said, make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy

Jesus taught, when someone hurts you, sues you, or takes advantage of you, or worse, if you have an enemy, here is what I want you to do.  Live in peace.  Throw water on it.  Don’t hit back, take it.  If they sue you, give them more.  If they take unfair advantage of you, serve them back.  Whatever you do, don’t live to get even.  Live generously.  Love your enemies.  When they give you a hard time, be kind and pray for them.  And hear me, living like this is normal if you’re a disciple of Jesus.   It’s what it means to be a mature Christian.  Why?   You are treating others the way God treats you. 

Do you throw gas or water on a relationship fire?