Well, it is hard to believe, but summer is coming to an end. With that, we find ourselves in the last topic of our summer Bible study, The Simple Questions of Jesus.  The last few times I was with you, we were looking into an important question from Jesus, a question so big with so many different answers and challenges that there was no way to contain it in one talk.  This question from Jesus is one that we need to wrestle with in our time on this Earth.  It leads us to the source of so many of the challenges we walk through in life because it leads us into a conversation about the soul, allowing us to grasp how essential it is.  This may be the most critical question to answer in life because we are all spiritual beings with a soul, and our souls need to be cared for.  While it may be the most important, it may also be the hardest to see and process with a world that pushes against it in every way.  This is the question we are personalizing…

Mark 8:36 And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? 37 Is anything worth more than your soul? NLT

Is there anything more valuable than your soul?  The answer is no.  There is nothing more valuable than our soul.  The problem is that we live in a world that is doing everything possible to get you to answer yes to that question.  As a culture and a people, we have lost sight of the fact that we are spiritual beings with a soul and that nothing is more valuable than our souls.  This is not an accident.  Our lives are tremendously opposed, and life, culture, people, everything seems set against us, seeing clearly and understanding how vital our souls are.  Have you noticed how hard it is to focus on eternity and spiritual things?  Have you noticed how easy it is to focus on things of this world, things of today that have no eternal value but could lead to some immediate gratification, satisfaction, fun, or success?  Have you noticed the passion, energy, and resources we humans are willing to put into things of today and how little of that we put into the things of God?  Have you noticed how hard people are willing to work to fit in and find acceptance in people and how little we seem to care about the things of God?  It’s interesting but not a coincidence!  We are spiritual beings with a soul, and everything in this world and your enemy is set against you, seeing or understanding your true value and the value of your soul.  We slide into this trap where we may gain the whole world, but it is at the cost of losing our souls.  There are significant ramifications when we humans don’t care for our souls…and we are seeing the results of ignoring the soul all around us every day.  There is a growing pain in the world around us, a growing restlessness, and as a people, we know it, but we can’t seem to satisfy it or calm it down, and culturally, it is only getting worse.  It is not a coincidence that culturally, we are seeing so much pain, confusion, and inner world turmoil at a time when we are choosing to distance ourselves from God more and more each day.  That is not ironic; it is a result of not caring for the soul and centering on God, who is the answer to every question and challenge in our lives.  Look around you; there is a growing restlessness in people, and they know it, but the only place where that can be fixed is the one place we don’t seem willing to go.  This is why I keep sharing this powerful quote from St Augustine with you.

“You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in You.” St. Augustine

There is no irony in the fact that we are struggling internally more today than ever before, in a time when, as a people in this world, we are choosing to distance ourselves from God.  We pull away from God.  We ignore the fact that we are spiritual beings with a soul.  Our soul is the source of our lives; if we ignore it, it can also become the source of our pain.  We have this inner restlessness that St. Augustine describes; we feel it and want that rest from that restlessness…the problem is we will never find it until we understand that we are spiritual beings with a soul.  The solution is spiritual; the problem is that it is the last place we seem willing to look or engage in.  Our inner worlds stay restless until we find rest in Our Heavenly Father.  So many hurting, restless people are searching for answers everywhere but where they will find them, and until they see and accept that…well, that inner struggle continues, which is so tough.

For the last few weeks, I have been with you, we have been exploring this powerful question from Jesus.

Mark 8:36 And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? 37 Is anything worth more than your soul? NLT

This has allowed us to talk about how important our souls and soul care are and walk through some of the major ways we struggle spiritually. We have been walking through a list of the four biggest ways we may gain the world but lose our souls. This is not a complete list, but these are four of the most challenging issues we face.

Four Ways We May Gain The World But Lose Our Souls:

1. 1. 1. Disconnection From Your Heavenly Father
      2. Pursuing Our Desires over God’s Desires
      3. Never Rest, Never Stop, Never Slow Down 
      4. People

Today, we focus on the fourth way we may gain the world but lose our soul…and that is all about PEOPLE.  I’m so thankful that this topic is being discussed as the summer is closing out and fall is beginning.  As fall begins, our schedules become more intense, and our lives become more intertwined with other people than they may have been during the summer.  As our children head back into the social pressure cooker we call school, and parents and people get more involved in community activities, we begin bumping into more people than we may have all summer long. It just feels like the perfect time for us to discuss people…because we all deal with people whether we like it or not, and let’s face it, it’s not always clean and easy.  We need people in our lives. We were created to do life with people, and we are better when we do, but whew…it’s not easy, and maybe that is the point.  We are growing, learning, and becoming the people God knows we can be through these challenges.  It is fascinating how complex, painful, confusing, and disappointing it is to do life with people, yet how essential it is.  We weren’t created to live alone, yet life with people is challenging.  This was one of Solomon’s biggest conclusions in the book of Ecclesiastes as he looked at life and struggled to find meaning in it.  The only meaning He found was that it’s all God’s, we should live for Him, and it’s all about people and relationships.

Ecclesiastes 4:9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: 10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! 11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.  But how can one keep warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.  NIV

The reality is we are better with people in our lives.  So, as challenging as it can be, it is so important.  Today, we will walk through 8 common mistakes we make with people that can lead us to gain the world but lose our souls.  As we walk through these, I want you to personalize them.  Take notes, take pictures of the screens, and keep them on your phone!  Use this time to prepare yourself for life with people moving forward.

Mistake #1 – We isolate.  

You know, life with people can be so painful.  It is almost like the more you care about someone or something, the more painful things can be at times, and in all those messy things that take place, it can be so tempting to pull away from people and isolate yourself.  It can feel easier to check out on the people stuff and go alone, but it makes your life harder.  When things get messy in relationships, and we get hurt, we can come to a very dangerous conclusion that we won’t ever do that to ourselves again…so we shut down, put up walls in our lives, and defend what is left of our hearts and emotions and decide to do life alone.  While this may seem easier, it will not lead to your best life.  Isolation is never the answer for human beings created by God to be with others.  I will be very transparent with you here.  This has been a real challenge for Mashawn and I, spending our lives in and around church and people.  It’s been challenging as people come and go, making opening up to people feel risky.  Some of you may have experienced that with me over the years…as I have struggled at times to allow people back in after so many painful experiences. I’m sorry about that, and I am working on it.  It’s interesting; we are better off living with people, but it isn’t easy.  We have all heard this saying from Solomon; it is a popular saying that we tend to glamorize; sports teams use it as their slogans, and we see it on T-shirts and inspiring posters, but if you think about what he is saying, it’s not only true but very challenging.

Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. NIV

This is not a peaceful process, one person sharpening another through relationships with people, just as it isn’t when one piece of iron is sharpening the other…it’s a violent, hard process of clashing together to make each other better…if we fall into the mistake of isolation, which is pretty easy to do these days…we will struggle and not become the best version of ourselves.

Mistake #2 – We create an “Us vs Them” mindset.  

This is a growing issue today, and we are sliding further into this “Us vs. them” mindset.  Many Christians do this.  Many people who are passionate about politics do this.  Many people disagreeing over so many cultural and social issues today are doing this, and it just goes nowhere.  We all have a way of seeing life; this becomes our reality, and we deeply believe it to be true.  The issue then becomes that we see the world this way: unless you believe and agree with what I believe and agree with, you are just wrong, and I am so right…and hey, maybe you are right…but the problem is our faith was never meant to be us vs. them, Jesus continued to model and teach that it should be us FOR them!  This US vs. Them mindset leads to arguments showing that this mindset is never productive.  It reminds me of something you see in sports from time to time.  Have you ever watched a coach argue with an umpire or referee?  It’s interesting.  The referee or umpire may be wrong, and the coach may be right…but the umpire or referee never reverses their call, do they?  What is the only result of that argument?  Typically, punishment for the coach or an ejection…and so it is with life.  You can preach to people all you want.  You can argue until you are blue in the face.  You can work to prove how right you are.  You can create the perfect comeback or post to someone else’s argument or post, but you aren’t changing their mind.  Us vs. Them only leads to more division, and there is already too much of that going around.  This mindset is very isolating, and we just learned that isolation is not where we want to be.  If you get to a place where everyone around you is dumb or wrong, where you invalidate any thought but your own, it will lead you to a very lonely and stressful place in your life.  The way to make a difference in someone’s life isn’t through this us vs them mindset. It’s through love…that is what makes an impact in people’s lives.  Not us vs them but us FOR them!

Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs. NIV

Not only does hatred stir up dissension but it builds blockers and walls in relationships that need to come down.  These blockers and walls can only be brought down through love.  Proving how right you are and how wrong they are won’t do that, but love will.

Mistake #3 – We compromise to fit in.  

This world puts so much pressure on us to fit in, enough pressure at times that we give in to it and hide ourselves and our values away to find acceptance and fit in with the people around us.  At some level, we all feel this pressure, and I believe at some level, we all feel like we don’t fit in.  As our children go back to school, this one is heavy on my heart because we know the pressure they face from others in the school.  But quite frankly, we adults face it as well.  The world and the people of it lean into us so hard, and over time, our values and unique identity can be worn away by the constant pressure we face in this world to fit in.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

The great irony is we all want to find acceptance.  We want people to like us, but so much pain and hurt comes from feeling like we are on the outside looking in, so we set out to act, look like, sound like, dress like, and be like everyone else…BUT…we weren’t created to be like everyone else by God.  We have our own unique identity and purpose that can be smothered out if we don’t have the courage and strength to withstand this pressure to fit in.

Proverbs 29:25 The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that. MSG

People constantly pressure us, and we must have the wisdom to understand we can’t please everyone.  We must accept that we won’t and probably shouldn’t always fit in and have the strength and courage to let go and be okay with that! This is so challenging and maybe the hardest thing to overcome in this area of dealing with people.

Mistake #4: We hold onto hurts and refuse to forgive. 

You know, I say this a lot. It sounds simple, and we all know it to be true: Hurt people, hurt people.  This is so challenging as we walk through life, but it is such a pivotal way to keep us from struggling through life with people.  Life with people is messy, and we will bump into situations where we get hurt by people.  When we understand that hurt people hurt people, we have an opportunity for compassion, love, and forgiveness rather than holding onto the issue, seeking justice, or trying to even the score, which only leads to more struggles in our hearts, minds, and souls.  We must let go and forgive.  This is all through Scripture…here are two examples of the importance of forgiving in Scripture.

Matthew 6:14 “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.” NLT

Ephesians 4:32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.  NIV

Hurt people hurt people, but forgiven people forgive people, and we know we have been forgiven of so much.  Have you ever heard the phrase, live and learn?  I think this is wise; we live, experience things, and learn from them…but when it comes to life with people, I also think there is a fine line between living and learning and doing things in a new way, moving forward and bitterness.  This is an area to challenge yourself because nothing will weigh your soul down and hurt your life more than holding onto hurts and refusing to forgive.  When you do that, you are not hurting the person who hurt you; you are only hurting yourself.  If this is a challenge for you, don’t worry; you will have plenty of opportunities to forgive people in the future.

Mistake #5: We react to people without trying to understand. 

This one is so important because humans are generally very reactive.  Someone says or does something hurtful, and what do we do?  We react to it and respond to it without taking any time to process life from that person’s shoes.  This ties back into the concept of understanding that hurt people hurt people…but I wonder how many painful and volatile situations would be avoided if we could take a moment, breathe, and place ourselves in the shoes of the person who said or did the dumb thing before reacting to it.  James tells us this about Godly Wisdom…

James 3:17 But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. NLT

Those living in Godly wisdom are peace-loving, gentle, and willing to yield to others. There is compassion and understanding that comes with this…and when we live this way, we can often begin to understand the feelings and hurts inside a person. I wish this wasn’t true, and it often gets me into trouble in my heart because I listen to people as they speak but people will say all kinds of things, but they feel what they feel.  We pay too much attention to someone’s words and not enough attention to the emotions behind the words. People say stuff when they’re angry that they don’t even mean. They use words they don’t even intend to use. They exaggerate things. We need to look behind the words at the emotion in someone because people don’t always say what they mean, but they always feel what they feel. We must stop focusing on what someone says that ticks us off and start considering where those things come from; this is compassion…it’s placing yourself in someone else’s shoes and means you are mindful of the feelings of others. There is a reason things happen.  Unkind people are those who need your kindness the most. When people are rude and unkind, they are screaming to the world, “I’m in pain!”  It’s hard, but it should remind us of the challenge Jesus gives us to love others.

Matthew 5:43 “You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ 44 I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, 45 for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves…46 If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. MSG

Hurt people always hurt people…and again, as forgiven people, we forgive people.  Godly wisdom is pure, peace-loving, gentle, and willing to yield to others…it’s full of compassion.

Mistake #6 – We compare and compete with others. 

I believe in our world and culture today this concept of comparing and competing with others is a massive issue.  We see what others have or are doing through social media and life, and we want it, too.  We get into this world of comparing and competing, and it can lead us away from who we were created to be and deeper into the world’s values over God’s.  We may gain the world, looking great to others, but we can lose our souls in the process.  I love this scripture from Paul here in the Message.

Galatians 5:25 Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. 26 That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original. MSG

Mistake #7 – We live tired and busy lives.  

Life with people does take energy, but it also takes a healthy heart and mind.  So many of the issues we face with people happen because we are tired, exhausted, and with no margin in our lives.  We can’t give what we don’t have, and for so many of us, we are tired and stressed out, with our emotional, mental, and spiritual tanks entirely “empty.”  And can I ask you something?  How well do you handle people and relationships in that state?  We can’t start engaging people from an emotional and spiritual deficit, yet so often we do, and so many issues come from us ignoring this practical and essential command from God to rest.

Ecclesiastes 5:3 Too much activity gives you restless dreams; too many words make you a fool. NLT

Mistake #8 – We do too much mind-reading.  

This is such a problem in our world today and will come up again this fall.  We must stop assuming what people are doing, saying, and thinking.  Assumptions create so much pain!  People quit jobs and marriages, leave churches, end friendships, get sick, and can’t sleep over assumptions they make about other people.  Studies today estimate that people make assumptions about others at least 80% of the time rather than being open, honest, and anchoring to the truth.  This is so key and something I have been working with my own family on, telling them we are going to say what we mean and mean what we say, and not try to read the minds of the person and assume we know how they feel.  Let me give you some examples of this.  “I don’t want to contact them because I know they are too busy or don’t want to be bothered.” “I just said yes because if I said no to them, they would be disappointed in me.” “They gave me a nasty look and didn’t say hello to me; they are mad at me.” “I was away for two weeks, and no one from church reached out to see if I was okay; no one cares about me.” “I quit going to church because she was unwilling to talk to me and isn’t a nice person.” “He walked by me and never said hello. He is a snob or angry with me.” “I emailed or texted them a week ago with no reply. They don’t care about me or are mad at me.”  Do you see how dangerous this can be?  We must seek and anchor to the truth.  We should never assume we know what someone is thinking or feeling.  Pete Scazzero says this…

“The degree to which we live in truth is the degree to which we are free people.” Pete Scazzero

Today, we are investigating one of the most challenging issues we face in our world today: life with people. It’s tough, messy, and painful. Yet it is an essential part of who we are and who we were created to be.  This is now our third week exploring this question from Jesus…

Mark 8:36 And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? 37 Is anything worth more than your soul? NLT

So many souls are lost and compromised through the pressures, pain, and mistakes made in relationships with people, and I wanted to take the time today as we move away from the summer season, where life lets up a bit and we begin to dive back into the reality of life and people that often comes with the fall season we are stepping into with this deep dive into life with people.  We have explored 8 big mistakes we make that can lead us to look ok to this world while we may be losing our soul, and we know that nothing is more important than our souls.  So, what do we do?  This list can seem daunting and overwhelming, so how do we avoid these mistakes and live the kind of lives God intended for us all along?  That answer is more straightforward than you think, but it will take focus, intentionality, and effort.

You must allow God into your life.

Not only do you allow Him in, but you also place Him first in your life. When God is the highest priority in your life, it gives you something to focus on and anchor to that is bigger than any issue you face in this world.  Life in this world is hard, but we make it so much harder trying to do life our way, in our own strength, focusing on ourselves rather than our Heavenly Father.  My encouragement to you today, whether you are heading off to school tomorrow or to work tomorrow.  Whether you are struggling with people and life right now or thriving with people and life right now, you must allow God into your life.  Allow God to save you.  Allow God to heal your wounded heart. Allow God to restore you to the glorious person He has always seen in you.  Allow God to lead your life at all times, in those moments that seem easy and those moments when you have no idea what to do next.  Allow God to strengthen you in those moments when you have no strength of your own and to give you courage when you are struggling to find the heart to keep going.  Allow God to be your anchor to peace, to truth, and to love in volatile times and to provide you with the wisdom that Godly wisdom that we all need and desire in our lives.  It’s God who gives us something to focus and center on that is greater than any of the issues we face each day, and there is no better way than to walk through life than with Your Heavenly Father.  So, as we close down what is often a peaceful summer season and look ahead to the fall season, which leads to schedules ramping up and more and more opportunities to interact with people, please allow God into your life; nothing is more essential to your life.

I want to leave you with a quote that I have been holding onto a lot lately, and as we read it and close, I want you to think about your walk with God.  If He isn’t first, it’s time to make Him first.  If you have never accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior, it’s time to do so.  If you have pushed God to the back burner, make today the day to start fresh, recommitting and reconnecting with Your Heavenly Father because, as Jesus says, what good does it do to gain the whole world yet lose your soul?  Nothing is worth more than your soul.

“So much can change from one day to the next, but the one thing that always remains the same is God. Stay focused on Him. ― Germany Kent