The Christmas Season can be awesome and messy. As much fun and joy as it can bring you is as much struggle and pain as it can bring too. So how do we walk in and out of the Christmas Season and be healthy? How do we deal with meeting people or family who have hurt us in the past year? How do we deal with people or family who drain us? That’s why we are in the series we are in: The Ghosts of Christmas past. We are looking to scripture to learn how to walk through this awesome and messy Christmas Season.
Sam told us that we must prepare. We must know that we are walking into is spiritual and we must prepare with prayer. Simply put, bring God with you. Last week we talked about forgiveness. In the heat of the moment, forgiveness is the only way to stop the cycle of sin and pain and hurt.
I want you to think about Christmas. In the next few weeks; are going to run into someone who has hurt you in the past year? Will you be with someone who drains you? Is there someone who just brings out the worst in you? Is there a situation or a person that you are going to walk into that you want to avoid?
I want to share with you what Jesus taught. Jesus teaches us how to respond to what we are about to walk into.
“Here’s another old saying that deserves a second look: ‘Eye for eye, tooth for tooth.’ 39 Is that going to get us anywhere? Here’s what I propose: ‘Don’t hit back at all.’ If someone strikes you, stand there and take it. 40 If someone drags you into court and sues for the shirt off your back, giftwrap your best coat and make a present of it. 41 And if someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. 42 No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously.
43 “You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ 44 I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, 45 for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best – the sun to warm and the rain to nourish – to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. 46 If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. 47 If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.
48 “In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you. MSG Matthew 5:38-48
Let’s slow down and think about this for a second. The person who hurt you, the person who drains you and the person who brings out the worst in you; Jesus says, I want you to love them. That includes and is not limited to, your spouse, your children, your parents and people at work or church or community.
Now I want to share something that is going to bug you.
Maybe the person who you think is your enemy, isn’t your enemy.
You think they are because they irritate you. But maybe, they are deeply wounded and they don’t know how to deal with it. And when you are with them, it comes out bad and it hurts you, drains you and brings out the worst in you. I’m not making an excuse for bad behavior, I’m just saying, they are hurting inside and it can come out bad.
What did Jesus tell us to do?
Vs. 39 If someone strikes you, stand there and take it.
Vs. 40 If someone drags you into court and sues for the shirt off your back, giftwrap your best coat and make a present of it.
Vs. 41 And if someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life.
Vs. 42 No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously.
Vs. 44 …love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst.
Vs. 45 When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer.
Vs. 48 In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up.
Can I just be honest for second? I hate that. I have no desire to love the person who hurt me. None. I want to hurt them back. I want to cut them out of my life. And if I see them at Giant, I want to blow right past them and maybe, if I get a chance, run them over in the parking lot by accident. I’m just awful at loving those who hurt me.
But I want you to see what Jesus said. There is a reason why we do this.
Vs. 45 …for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves.
When we respond the way Jesus taught, that’s when God shapes and molds our hearts. That’s when God comes out of us. Please see this, how respond makes God real. It’s where the rubber meets the road.
Think about this.
Maybe the person who hurt you, drains you, brings out the worst in you; is God’s plan to change you.
To enter into God’s plan that will allow God to pour out of you, we must respond differently. To respond with hurting back, cutting them out of our lives, to blow past them is to be focused on the hurt and it will not allow God to pour out of us. That’s why you can go to church. You can sing songs. You can learn new information. But if you don’t change how you respond, there is little difference in your life.
Your kids may not need more information, maybe they need to see how you respond to their mom or dad. Please see this, attending church and doing religious activities are okay but responding the way Jesus taught; makes God real!
Let’s recap quickly.
Maybe the person who you think is your enemy, isn’t your enemy.
Maybe the person who hurt you, drains you, brings out the worst in you; is God’s plan to change you.
I want to add one more thing to think about:
Maybe the person who hurt you, needs you.
Why do I say that? Think about this with me. The person who hurt you might be deeply wounded and when they are with you, it comes out bad. They end up hurting you, draining you and bringing out the worst in you. Now imagine that you hurt them back. What happens if you do that? It starts the cycle of sin, pain and hurt. Or, passive aggressive stuff that creates huge damage. Even worse, they know you are a Christian and then conclude: “See Christians are horrible people.”
Now imagine if you respond differently. Instead you forgive them and love them back. Chances are they aren’t changed that very moment but what did they just experience? The love of Christ. And isn’t that what they need? Maybe they need you. Actually, maybe, they need to see God through you.
This is what the Apostle John wrote about love.
20 If anyone boasts, “I love God,” and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won’t love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can’t see? 21 The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You’ve got to love both… My dear children, let’s not just talk about love; let’s practice real love. 19 This is the only way we’ll know we’re living truly, living in God’s reality. 20 It’s also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism. MSG 1 John 4:20-21, 3:18-20
So before we move forward, I have to ask you; how do you respond to people who hurt you, drain you and bring out the worst in you?
Everything in our selfish condition screams, “Eye for an eye.” Everything that is God focused says, “Love.” I think there are three things we have to talk about. If we are going to respond in love, we have to talk about these three things. There are three things you have to wrestle with.
First, as a disciple of Christ, my life isn’t mine, it’s God’s. My life is no longer about me and what I want, it’s not about God and what He wants. When I gave my life to Christ, I declared that I was dying to myself and my selfish ambition in life.
24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you want to come with me, you must forget yourself, carry your cross, and follow me. 25 For if you want to save your own life, you will lose it; but if you lose your life for my sake, you will find it.” GNT Matthew 16:24-26
When I respond to hurt with hurt, I am picking up my old selfish life. I am in control. I am the judge. I am the jury. I decide what happens. When I respond to hurt with love, I am declaring, my life is God’s.
Secondly, as a disciple of Christ, I’m not in control anymore, God is. I place my life into God’s hands and I am depend on Him. I forgive and God judges. I love and God will deal with the jerk who hurt me. I don’t have to be in control and demand that they do what I want.
1 “Stop judging others, and you will not be judged. 2 For others will treat you as you treat them. Whatever measure you use in judging others, it will be used to measure how you are judged.” NLT Matthew 7:1-2
Do you realize the freedom you have when you give up control? Most people think, ‘The more control I have, the more peace I have.’ That just leads to tension, anxiety and relationship problems. Actually, giving control to God leads to peace.
Lastly, it’s not fair. Being a disciple of Christ isn’t about fairness, it’s about obedience. Fairness means and eye for an eye. God’s love is bigger than that. God’s love is about absorbing hurt and giving back love.
For God took the sinless Christ and poured into him our sins. Then, in exchange, he poured God’s goodness into us! TLB 2 Corinthians 5:21
It wasn’t fair that Jesus took on our sin and gave us His goodness.
We must know, as disciples of Christ, our lives are no longer our lives. We die to ourselves. And as disciples of Christ, we aren’t in control anymore. God is. And, being a disciple of Christ isn’t about fairness.
Knowing this, let’s recap.
Maybe the person who you think is your enemy, isn’t your enemy.
Maybe the person who hurt you, drains you, brings out the worst in you; is God’s plan to change you.
Maybe the person who hurt you, needs you.
I want to close with five practical things you need to know when you try to apply this.
- If someone hurt you, like abuse of any kind, you can forgive them but that doesn’t mean you re-enter the relationship with no changes. Don’t hear me say, life isn’t fair so you have to go back to abuse. No.
- You should have boundaries to guard your heart. Boundaries aren’t selfish. You can limit the time you spend with people, you don’t have to allow others to take advantage of you and hurt you more. People who struggle with people pleasing struggle with this. They feel guilty if they have a boundary. You need boundaries to protect your heart.
- Not everyone has to be your best friend.
- There is a naïve belief that as a Christian, I should allow everyone to take advantage of me. Have you heard that before? “You are a Christian, how can you not give me your life savings?” Be aware of people who are taking advantage of you.
- Some people are toxic. It’s okay to be wise and understand some people go through life and deeply hurt those around them.
Let’s close with this. How do you respond to those who hurt you, drain you and bring out the worst in you? What if that person is your spouse? Kids? Parents? At church or work?
Maybe the person who you think is your enemy, isn’t your enemy. Maybe the person who hurt you, drains you, brings out the worst in you; is God’s plan to change you. Maybe the person who hurt you, needs you. How you respond might allow God to pour out of you into others.
To respond well, you need to wrestle with three things. Is your life God’s or yours? Are you in control or is God? Are you looking for fairness?