Dec. 07, 2025

Relationships are messy.  You know that already.  But why?  Because people make everything better, and people make everything harder.  And that includes us.  We can make relationships better and harder for those around us.  And the clear command of Jesus is that we love others well.  That’s why we are talking about the unavoidable adventure of people.  

We talked about the ‘us’ part and the ‘them’ part in relationships.  Let’s quickly recap the ‘us’ part. 

First.  We all have an origin story; we all come from somewhere.  And like wet cement, our families have left an impact on our lives that hardened as we grew older.  And when we become Christians, it is very important to recognize how our family impacted us.  For example, if your family was a loving and gracious family, that’s probably in you today.  If your family was prideful and always built themselves up while putting others down, that’s probably in you today.  This is so important because when we understand our story, what the family imprint was, it radically changes how we treat others and raise our kids. 

Second.  It is critical that we see ourselves through the gospel message (what God has done for us through Jesus).  Let’s read the verse Sam gave us.

Colossians 3:12 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved… NIV

When we live in God’s gospel story for us, it radically changes how we view ourselves, how we view others, and how we treat others.  

In relationships, the ‘us’ part is a big deal.  If we never deal with it, the pain and struggle we have in relationships will never change.  We will continue to loop in pain and struggle. 

Now let’s recap the ‘them’ part. 

First, people can hit the sore spots in our lives, and when they do, we can feel criticized, triggered, and defensive.  Who do we blame?  We naturally want to blame them for what they have done wrong.  Remember the verse we shared?

Romans 2:1b-2 Every time you criticize someone, you condemn yourself. It takes one to know one. Judgmental criticism of others is a well-known way of escaping detection in your own crimes and misdemeanors. But God isn’t so easily diverted. He sees right through all such smoke screens and holds you to what you’ve done. MSG

When people hit our sore spot, making us feel criticized, triggered, and defensive, it’s an indicator that something is going on inside of us, and we need to go to God and ask why.  We don’t go to other people right away to talk about it or process it; we go to God first.  When we do this, we can begin the spiritual process of becoming a healthy person who is free from being triggered.

Second.  One of the cruelest and most painful ways our enemy attacks us is through relationships.  Words, comments, put-downs, all of it, can leave deep wounds.  Sam shared how important it is to set the right priorities and not agree with the hurtful words or put-downs of others.    

2 Corinthians 10:3 For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. 4 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. NIV

In relationships, the ‘them’ part is a big deal.  We tend to want to avoid people, the ‘them’ part, because people wear us out.   But the reality is, people are hurting too, and we have the opportunity to love them, build them up, and encourage them.  But to do that, we have to be willing to do the discipleship work of getting free and healed from our own junk.  Remember, Jesus wants us to love others well.  It’s one of the marks that we are growing as disciples of Jesus.

This week, we deal with the ‘God’ part.  To do this, I want to jump into a bible story.

Matthew 14:15 That evening the disciples came to him and said, “It is already past time for supper, and there is nothing to eat here in the desert; send the crowds away so they can go to the villages and buy some food.” 16 But Jesus replied, “That isn’t necessary - you feed them!” 17 “What!” they exclaimed. “We have exactly five small loaves of bread and two fish!”

What is Jesus doing?  Jesus has placed His disciples in an impossible situation.  Feeding 5,000 men, not counting the women and children, cannot be done.  What Jesus is suggesting makes no sense.  From the disciple’s point of view, it had to be confusing and frustrating to say the least.

Let me ask you.  Do you feel like Jesus has placed you in an impossible situation?  Is it confusing and frustrating for you?  Maybe you think what He expects from me is impossible.  I can’t get everything done.  I can’t keep everyone happy.  I can’t be real or honest with people, or they won’t like me.  I can’t give any more, I’m burned out.  I can’t be positive.  I can’t love others well.  I can’t overcome challenges.  It’s all too much for me.  I’m stuck, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.  Do you feel like Jesus has placed you in an impossible situation?

We call that limits.  Like the disciples who couldn’t feed over 5,000 people, there are things we cannot do.  We all have limits.  Our limits are those things that we think stop us from the life we want.  Let’s talk about a few more. 

If I’m younger than 16 years old, I cannot drive a car.  Why?  Because the State of Pa said it’s illegal.  I have a legal limit.

I will never be an elite NFL wide receiver.  Why?  Because I am barely athletic enough to get groceries from the car to the kitchen.  I have physical limits. 

If I have children in diapers, I will be busy and tired, and in survival mode.  Why?  Because those kids need my love and support.  I have a life stage limit.

If I pull away from community, I will feel lonely, and I will say things like, ‘I don’t connect with others.’  Why?  Because I need to be with people to feel close to people.  I have relationship limits.

If I am always thinking about myself and have wounds that I have not dealt with, chances are, I will feel rejected in all new relationships.  Why?  Because too much self-focus mixed with wounds can be a barrier to healthy relationships.  I have relationship limits.

If I am chronically overcommitted in life, I will be exhausted.  Why?  Because I am violating time.  I have time limits.

If I am not with God on a regular basis, I will live a stressed, spiritually flat, and reactionary life.  Why?  Because I am choosing to be disconnected from the life and energy, and passion that God wants to give me when I read the Bible and pray.  I have spiritual limits.

If I don’t listen to the wisdom that comes from older people like my parents or pastors, I will waste years learning about life the hard way.  Why?  Because I want to be ‘god’ of my life.  I have life limits.

Here is today’s big point.  If I don’t embrace my God limits, it will damage my relationships.  That includes my relationship with God, with others, and myself.  Why?  Because limits are a spiritual issue.  We can’t keep violating limits without relationship ramifications. 

Example.  A story called “When You’re Older.”  When Tommy was little, he would tug on his father’s sleeve and say, “Dad, will you play with me?”  His father would smile, ruffle his hair, and answer, “Not now, buddy. When you’re older.”  There was always something - emails, errands, one more phone call.

As Tommy grew, he kept asking. “Dad, want to throw a ball?”  “Not now. When you’re older.” Middle school came. Tommy tried again.  “Dad, can we talk? Just you and me?”  His father glanced at his calendar.  “Maybe this weekend.”  The weekend never came.  By high school, Tommy was now Tom, and he stopped asking. 

One evening, the father looked up from his work and realized the house was quiet.  Tom was a senior now, getting ready to leave for college. The father knocked on his son’s door.  “Hey,  want to hang out?”  Tom looked up kindly but tiredly.  “Sorry, Dad. I’ve got plans.”  The father stood there, suddenly aware of all the moments he’d missed.  For years, he’d said, “When you’re older.”  He never realized “older” would come so fast. 

What happened?  The father never embraced his God limits.  He had limited time, and he chose to spend it doing things rather than building a relationship with Tommy.  And because he didn’t embrace his limits of time, it damaged his relationship with Tom.

How do we treat limits?  We don’t like them; we think they are holding us back.  Like Adam and Eve, we want to be like God, so we bite the apple.  God gave Adam and Eve a clear command, Don’t eat the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil.  What did Adam and Eve believe about God?  God is holding out on us.  This limit is holding us back.  If we eat the fruit, we will be like God.  And it ruined them.

We are told by our culture, you can do anything, be anything, accomplish anything, and we can’t.  We expect too much from ourselves, and it leads us to feel frustrated, disappointed, and sometimes angry at ourselves.  We expect too much from others, and it leads us to feel frustrated, disappointed, and angry towards them.  Living beyond our limits can lead to us being chronically overcommitted, people-pleasing, martyr complex (‘I have to do it all’), spiritual pride (‘I know the information, but I don’t have to do it’), emotional numbness, avoidance of grief, and avoidance of rest.  And when we are at our worst, when we are living way beyond our God given limits, we burn out.  And in our burned-out condition, we do damage to our relationships.  When we are burned out, we are unable to care for ourselves.  We have no ability or energy to love others well.  And worse, we can be resentful of God because He is not doing what we expected Him to do. 

As a result of living outside of our God given limits, we become miserable.  And we wonder, How did I get here?  We may even blame others around us for being miserable.  But we got here because we fought against and ran over our God given limits.  Instead of seeing how much God loves us, we thought God was holding out on us.  Instead of trusting God, we wanted to be like God.  Instead of waiting on God to move, we had to make something happen.

So, Jesus turns to the disciples and says, You feed them.  Let’s read what happens.

18 “Bring them here,” he said. 19 Then he told the people to sit down on the grass; and he took the five loaves and two fish, looked up into the sky, and asked God’s blessing on the meal, then broke the loaves apart and gave them to the disciples to place before the people. 20 And everyone ate until full! And when the scraps were picked up afterwards, there were twelve basketfuls left over! 21 (About five thousand men were in the crowd that day, besides all the women and children.) TLB

The disciples are stunned and discouraged because they can’t feed over 5,000 people.  Jesus took what the disciples found, a small amount of bread and fish, prayed, and fed over 5,000 people.  This is a huge spiritual lesson.  Jesus is teaching them, You are not God.  You are completely dependent on God.  But when you give me what you have with humility, I can do immeasurable things.  But you have to trust Me.

Our God given limits are real.  We can fight them or surrender to them.  To fight against them and live beyond them will only lead to misery.  It’s like we are rebelling against God.  Don’t you wish Adam and Eve had surrendered to their limit?  We can surrender to our limits and realize our limits are a gift, not a curse.  So here is what we do.  We realize we aren’t God.  We realize we are completely dependent on God.  So we give to God what we have, no matter how small.  And we trust God.

To go deeper with more details, the mid-week discipleship goes deeper and talks about good limits vs. bad limits.  If you are interested in that, please let us know.

I want to ask you a few questions and end with a story.  What limit or limits are you facing?  How do you respond to your limits?  Do you see your limits as a gift or a curse?  Do you fight against your limits, or do you surrender to them?  If you are fighting against your limits, is your fight leading you to a better life?  Are you living beyond your limits, leading you to be worn out, feeling frustrated, anxious, striving, and lacking compassion for others?  What changes do you need to make to surrender to your God given limits?

When Jesus turns to you and says, ‘You feed them,’ it’s an invitation to surrender.  You are not God.  All you can do is give to God what little you do have with humility and trust in God.

“The Willow and the Oak.”

High on a hill stood two trees side-by-side - an oak and a willow.  The oak was proud, strong, and unbending.  The willow was slender, swaying easily with every breeze.  One summer, after years of drought, the oak began to stretch itself even farther. “I can handle more,” it said. “I don’t need to slow down. I don’t need to adjust. I’m strong enough.”  So, the oak drove its branches wider and higher, taking in more sun than it could handle.  Its leaves looked impressive, but its roots were drying out.

The willow, meanwhile, did something humble. It shed a few branches and reduced its canopy.  “I must match my growth to my strength,” it said. “I can’t carry what I used to. But I can still be faithful.” 

Months later, a fierce storm rolled across the hill.  Gale-force winds slammed the trees.  The oak refused to bend.  The willow bent low - almost to the ground.  When the storm passed, the oak lay split and shattered on the hillside.  Its massive branches were too heavy for its weakened roots.  But the willow stood - tired, stripped, and soaked, but alive.  A bird landed on the willow and whispered, “You survived because you were weak.”  The willow replied, “No. I survived because I knew I was weak.”

Remember, if I don’t embrace my God limits, I will damage my relationships.  I am not God, but I trust God.  And I will give God what I have, no matter how small.