Welcome back to our series on relationships called The Unavoidable Adventure: Life with People, where we are learning to live and love well.  This is so important because we were created for love and connection, but it’s also challenging because people and relationships are messy and challenging.  They are that way all year long, but during the holidays, it all just ramps up on us, and the closer we get to Christmas, the more tension we may be feeling, then add how much extra this season adds to our already busy lives, and let’s say, we are in a good conversation, at the right time of year.  Why?  Because we don’t want to just survive the chaos of life and people through this season of life and drag ourselves into a new year to do it all over again, we want to truly live and love well, which is why we spent five weeks working on our heart conditions, trying to get to a place where we can see life and people through what Jesus has done for us, rather than our hurts and wounds.  Now the series has shifted toward two essential life skills that help us apply this new way of living. Last week, Ken hit the first life skill: embracing our God-given limits, which is often the opposite of our instincts.  Today, we start a two-week conversation on another life skill that is challenging for us to accept, and pushes against our human instincts, but is so important when we do.  

You know, there are certain life principles that we all need to live and love well.  Some of those principles are a lot easier to accept and apply to our lives than others.  It’s one thing to accept that we should spend time with God each day, pray, read our Bibles and all that stuff, even if we aren’t doing it, we can all say we know we should but it can be a whole other thing to engage loving others well, doing life with people, taking time to stop and rest once a week, forgiving those who wrong us, owning our choices, pulling away from sin, reordering our lives to God’s priorities, rather than staying in our own value system…it’s not easy!  And if you think about the source of these life principles, they come from living our lives as they were designed and created to be lived by God.  Inside of God’s creation, there is a way things were intended to be, and a way we are designed by God to live. The challenge is that it typically won’t look like we think it should, and it will pull us away from our instincts as people. Name the area of life, and these principles apply: physical health, relationships, finances, work life, family life dynamics, you name it. When we live out these principles, we can live and love well; if we don’t, we won’t…but we can be honest here, some of these life principles are just easier to live out than others.  The way God desires and intended for us to live, this new life that has begun in Christ, is just so opposite of our instincts and tendencies as people. 

Ken hit an essential one of these challenging God Principles with us last week, talking about the importance of embracing our God-given limits in life and not ignoring them or living beyond them!  It’s so counter-cultural yet so freeing when we do.  So many of us live as if we have no limits, or we believe our limits are a negative thing in our lives.  We don’t see them as something God has given us, so we push past them, and it blocks our ability to experience our best lives. Because we aren’t able to embrace the gift of our limits, we struggle, we are outside of God’s design, and we won’t live and love well.  We have limits on time, energy, capacity, finances, and resources in our lives, and if we can embrace them as gifts, things change.  That was an important conversation, on a very challenging life principle that pushes against our human instincts. It leads us into another challenging life principle that is also opposite to how we instinctively live, and will challenge us in many ways. Still, this one may be the very thing we need to unlock our lives, our relationship with God, and our relationships with others.  This one is so important that we will spend two weeks on it, but I will warn you, it’s another challenging life principle that centers around something we all need to do, but struggle to do, and this time of year, maybe more than any other time of year, we need this conversation.  We are going to spend the next two weeks on the concepts of slowing down and embracing this God life as He intended it to be lived.  This week, we will spend our time looking at an essential teaching from Jesus on the subject, and next week, Ken will be back at it, diving into the greatest reflection of this life principle, found in The Christmas Story. 

Today, we look at Jesus explaining to us what the Kingdom of God is like. I’m hopeful that, as we talk about it, you will see just how important and profound this teaching is, because as Jesus explains what the Kingdom of God is like, He shows us how to live inside of God’s design.  But I will just warn you now, it all comes together slower than we want, starts way smaller than we think it will, and doesn’t appear nearly as successful as we think it will.  It’s the parable of the Mustard Seed.

Matthew 13:31 He told them another parable: "The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. 32 Though it is the smallest of all your seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and perch in its branches." NIV

So, you may be thinking, “Okie-dokie, Sam, how can this small parable be a life principle, and how can it help me with the challenges I’m facing in relationships?”  Well, we will learn today that these couple of sentences about a tiny little seed can actually teach us a lot, and embracing this principle of the mustard seed can change everything from your levels of stress and anxiety to helping you live and love well.  But before we do, let’s talk a bit.

We really struggle as people to slow down and live life at a healthy speed, don’t we? Everything is fast.  Our lives are spent rushing around from one thing to the next, and this time of year, our busy lives get even crazier as we add Christmas shopping lists, parties, hosting family and meals, and travel to the normal day-to-day chaos we face the rest of the year.  Over these next two weeks, this is the direction we want to take you. We want to work on slowing down this Christmas season and beyond, not pushing and stressing, not needing to be seen or known, and being ok with small things in our lives. We do so much damage to our inner world when we live fast, hurried, overwhelmed lives. Nothing is crushing relationships more today than the busy, fast, distracted lives we live, where we are unable to see, hear, and love others well.  And today I want you to understand that when we are living fast, busy, chaotic lives, we are living outside of God’s design. 

I recently was reading a book by Joel Malm called “Love Slows Down – How to keep anger and anxiety from ruining your life and relationships.”  In the book, Joel explains that love slows down, while anger, anxiety, and fear speed up. So, before we dive into this parable, let’s start there today, because it is a profound thought.  

Love slows down.  Stress, fear, and anger speed up.  

I told you earlier that God’s Kingdom design is the opposite of today's culture and our human instincts.  It is slow and not nearly as flashy or exciting as we humans think it should be.  God wants us to move slowly, while we are driven to live fast, chaotic, busy lives.  This is such a conflict in our lives, our faith, our relationships, and even in our churches today.  God can do anything He wants, however He wants, but He chooses to do things a certain way, and we need to see that it is for our benefit, like resting after six days of creating.  He doesn’t have to rest, He doesn’t get tired, He is God, but He is showing us how to live in His design.  God can move at any pace He wants; He is God, but He chooses to move at a slow pace, deliberate pace, and often moves in ways we can’t even see.  And when we rush ahead, we risk missing what God is doing—and, worse, we can become obstacles to what God is doing. He is showing us how to do it.  When we don’t embrace this way of living, we make a mess of relationships and life, but the challenge is that living in God’s design is so opposite of what we think and desire; it’s tough, but if we are going to live and love well, we need to slow down.  

Love slows down.  Stress, fear, and anger speed up. 

As Christians, we are living a life of love. Remember, we have learned what controls this new life we live.

2 Corinthians 5:14 Either way, Christ's love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life. NLT

So, if love slows down, and we are living a life of love controlled by Christ’s love, this new life won’t be lived in a busy, stressed, frantic way, but in a peaceful, restful, centered, and slow way, because love slows down.  So, I want to think about your life today.  

How would you describe your life?  Is it peaceful, centered, and slow, or is it stressful, busy, reactive, and frantic? 

Deep down, we all want to live and love well.  We want to love and be loved, but if we are honest, most of our days don’t look like the life controlled by Christ’s love as we read a moment ago.  Most of us, if we are honest, would say our lives look stressful, rushed, chaotic, and overwhelming, and just so far from the peaceful life we desire. Christ’s love doesn’t control our lives, but our schedules, other people, hurts and wounds, and just all we must do in a day seem to do that for us.  We have talked a lot about stress and anxiety this year; it is so real in our lives, and it’s also being called the fastest-growing disease in the Western World.  But let’s talk, because our world and culture are always talking up how busy, stressed out, and exhausted we are, and in some way, it’s become normal to live that way.  It’s become a badge of honor to live that way, so much so that saying we are healthy, rested, and not overworked and overwhelmed makes us sound lazy, or not as important or successful as those who are.  But we have to understand that frantic, busy, overwhelmed lives are not a sign that we are successful or important in life; they're actually a major warning sign that we are living outside of God’s Kingdom design. We were created in love, to love, and nothing blocks our ability to live and love well more than living this fast, busy, chaotic life.  Why? Because love slows down, anxiety, stress, and anger speed you up and block you from loving well.  You live in a world that wants you sped up, busy, distracted, and frantically reacting to things in your life.  Our world, which we must remember is controlled by the enemy, has done a phenomenal job of not only making it normal to live busy, stressed, anxious lives, but it has glorified it to a place where we think it’s not only how we should live, but it’s the way to success and importance in life.  What an incredible trap that blocks us from living and loving well.  In that busy, overwhelmed state, we can’t see ourselves, others, or God well, and we can’t love ourselves, God, or others well either. 

The world we live in tells us that faster, bigger, and flashier is always better.  God says the exact opposite.  The reality is, we can’t find or experience this new life of love if we live as this world tells us we should. We must slow down to love well, and while that feels impossible, especially this time of year, it would unlock our lives and relationships in a whole new way.  Why? Because we are new people who see ourselves in a new way (as chosen, holy, and dearly loved).  We see others in a new way (we are all equal because Christ is all, and is in all), and we live new lives that are controlled by Christ’s love, which isn’t lived in a frantic, busy, overwhelmed state; a life of love is centered, focused…it’s slow.  As I write this, I keep thinking of the life Paul tells us we live when God lives in us; it’s the life we all want. We call this the fruit of the Spirit.

Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. NIV

That is the life of someone who is living this new life. Still, we have to understand that these things grow in us slowly over time, and only when we slow down and stay within God’s design. They just aren’t found in busy, stressed-out, chaotic, fast lives…they are found in slowing down and allowing God to grow them in us. 

Love slows down. Stress, fear, and anger speed up. 

So, you might be thinking, ‘Wow, Sam has drifted off topic today,’ but I haven’t.  We have a difficult time in relationships, and a major reason is that we struggle to slow down.  When we live fast, busy lives, it impacts our lives and relationships in many ways, because it is so destructive to our inner world. We are learning that if our hearts and inner world aren’t healthy, we won’t live and love well.  Basically, we make a mess of things because we live outside God’s design for our lives. His way is slow, ours isn’t.  Love slows down; stress, fear, and anger speed up. 

That brings us back to Jesus' teaching today.  He wants us to understand that there is a different way to live, and it’s all part of how God designs His Kingdom.  The problem for us is that it looks opposite to how we think it should look.  This little parable, at first glance, doesn’t feel super important, but the more we think about it, and the more we embrace it, wow, this could be life-changing.  It’s another of Jesus’ teachings that goes against our instincts and everything our culture celebrates, making it very challenging to accept and live out.  Let’s study the parable of the mustard seed.

Matthew 13:31 He told them another parable: "The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. 32 Though it is the smallest of all your seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and perch in its branches." NIV

This is the mustard seed principle: God moves and works slowly. It often looks small and doesn’t look all that flashy or successful to our standards, but, over time, it yields incredible results, better results than we could imagine or see coming if we can allow it to unfold in His timing.  It’s tough because we live in a world that wants everything fast.  We want fast results, solutions, and information, and we want fast success in our lives.  But God moves in a completely different way.  Jesus says that God’s Kingdom grows like a mustard seed, slow, steady, and almost invisible at first, yet over time it grows into something amazing. We can’t force it, rush it, or make it happen, but we sure do try, and the harder we try to make it happen in so many areas of our lives, the worse it gets. 

You know, if you think about this teaching and who Jesus is talking to, it’s pretty wild. Jesus is talking to people who are waiting for the Kingdom of God to come and rescue them from the Roman Empire.  They are struggling with Jesus.  They have doubts and are confused by Jesus and His ministry because it doesn’t look like they expected; He is a mustard seed.  They want God to come and wipe out the Romans, they expect big and flashy, and fast, and they get slow, small, and what appears to be weak!  Jesus knows their hearts and shares this teaching, and if you think about it, this parable would have been very challenging for them to hear because they want it now, and Jesus says you are looking at it all wrong.  The mustard seed is tiny and looks weak, and takes a long time to become a tree. It is small, planted in a boring, unassuming way, grows underground where no one is really able to see it, and takes time, way more time than we humans are often hoping it would take.  This will really come out next week as Ken walks you through the Christmas story, as we see Jesus’ life living out this mustard seed concept.  They wanted a powerful ruler to come and take over the world, and they got a baby born in a manger to no-name people in a no-name town.  It’s just so different from what we think; it doesn’t look like we think it should. But if we embrace this, life slows down, becomes so much more peaceful and relaxing, because we start to realize it doesn’t need to be big, flashy, and happen fast…God could do things anyway He wants, but God, who is love, moves slowly, because love slows down.  There is a freedom in that…there is a peacefulness in that, but it’s hard when everything in this world is saying bigger, faster, more!

So, Jesus says that the Kingdom of God is like a mustard seed, which is the smallest of all seeds, but yields and incredible result over time…you could say that Jesus is saying that while we want fast, big, and a strong successful look, the Kingdom of God works opposite, it is slow, small, and appears weak to our human eyes…it’s wild isn’t it?  In our discipleship class, we will hit all three of those lessons this week: slow, small, and what appears to be weak.  Next week, Ken will be showing you the amazing reflection of this teaching found in the Christmas Story, but for today, I want to talk about the concept of slowing down through this Christmas season and beyond to stay inside of God’s design and live and love well because love slows down, stress, anger, and fear speed up. We can’t live and love well if we don’t slow down.  This is how God lives, and we know from Scripture that God is love.

1 John 4:7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. NIV

God is love.  And we know that love is patient.  It’s the first description we get of love in 1 Corinthians 13…

1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. NIV

God is love, and His nature is to be patient; that is needed because love moves slowly.  God just never is in a hurry.  God’s design is loving, patient, and slow; it’s not in a hurry, and if we can step into this design, embracing the mustard seed principle, we can stop just surviving our days and truly live and love well.  But it is such a challenge to do this, isn’t it?  We struggle to slow down, and I wanted you to see today that love slows down, stress, anxiety, and fear speed up.  So, take a moment and look at your life.  How would you describe it?  Is it fast or slow?  Does life feel chaotic, overwhelming, and like you can never get it all done?  Are you overworked and exhausted?  This is not a sign that you are important or succeeding in life; it is not a badge of honor, it is actually a warning sign that you are outside of God’s design. If you are rushing around and going too fast in life, you must understand that you are outside of God’s design.  We may look good to people in this world, but we don’t belong to this world.  We are new people, living new lives, lives that are controlled by Christ’s love, not by our schedules, to-do lists, or people’s opinions of us, but by love, and I wanted you to see today that just like a tiny little mustard seed growing into a tree, that process is slow.  Love slows down.  Stress, fear, and anger speed us up, and when we live fast-paced lives, we can’t live and love well.

Listen, we live in a world that glorifies fast, hurried, stressed-out lives, and God is inviting us to slow down.  When we do, His love can flow in and out of us so much more freely.  When we slow down, we don’t just find rest for ourselves, we find the space and time to love others the way God loves us.  So, to close today, I want to show you five things that embracing this mustard seed principle, living inside God’s design, and slowing down can do in your life and with your relationships, and then press in with a challenge for you for this Christmas season.

First, when we slow down, we are present with people. 

If you look at the life of Jesus, you see he never rushed past people; he truly saw and valued them.  He noticed the lonely, hurting, and overlooked people and stopped to be with them.  This is a hard thing for us to do, living at the speeds we live life at today.  When we slow down, we can actually be where our feet are, we can see ourselves and others, and we can love well.  Our presence in relationships is a gift; it is us looking people in the eyes and telling them they matter and have value in our lives.

Second, when we slow down, we can actually listen and hear people. 

We live in a world where we are constantly distracted and overwhelmed.  When we slow down, we eliminate those distractions and listen to people with compassion and patience, making room for them and their stories in our lives.  When we listen to people and aren’t just nodding and blinking while waiting to move on to something we want to do, we are showing them they matter and that they feel our love.

Third, when we slow down, we can respond to life and people with grace.  

We have already talked about the damage that reacting out of stress and anger can have on people. Well, I’m telling you a calm heart that is slowing down has the space to respond rather than react.  So instead of snapping or lashing out under stress, we can speak with gentleness and kindness.  We show grace that we can’t show when we are overwhelmed and stressed out.

Fourth, slowing down creates the margin and space in our lives to be kind. 

We looked at this mustard seed concept today, and love is often found in the same way.  In the small, unplanned moments, we can encourage someone who needs it, lend a helping hand, or just be thoughtful.  We can only do that if we have the margin in our lives to think, feel, and see what is going on in those around us.

Lastly, when we slow down, we can settle our hearts, minds, and souls.  

When we slow down, we let go of life and rest in God. We release all that fear, stress, anxiety, and anger, and we can accept and receive God’s love and peace.  As that love and peace fill us, we can love others with a patience and warmth that will never happen if we stay busy and stressed out.

So here we are, two weeks before Christmas, with plenty to do, buy, and accomplish.  We have lots of travel, family, and people to deal with.  Plenty of parties and gatherings, adding to an already busy life, and year after year, we blast through this season, busy and stressed out, and miss everything it could and should be in our lives.  And hey, we can say it. Our lives are always busy, but this time of year, it all just seems to intensify.  And starting today, I want you to see this.  This is a time that should be all about living and loving well.  And our encouragement to you today is to step out of what culture says we should be doing and begin to live inside of God’s Kingdom design. Take the time this Christmas season to reflect on the true reason we celebrate it.  Please take the time to slow down and to truly see, hear, and feel your family, loved ones, and friends, soak it all in.  Could this be the year it changes, or will it be just another year of stress, anxiety, and lists of things to do that you just want to see come to an end? 

Please take a look at your life today.  How would you describe it?  Is it peaceful, rested, and centered?  Are you able to think clearly, and see and hear people in your life?  Can you be where your feet are, or is your mind somewhere else all the time?  Are you growing in love for yourself, for others, and for God?  Or is it all a blur of busyness, clutter, stress, and chaos?  At Christmas, we celebrate Jesus coming to this Earth. It was slow and didn’t look like much, but it was the ultimate act of love. From the incredible gift of Jesus, we are new people who see ourselves in a new way, who see others in a new way, and live a new life, and that life isn’t hectic, it isn’t busy, it isn’t stressful, and it isn’t fast.  It’s restful, peaceful, centered, and slow.  Why is this important?  Because this new life is a life of love, and that only happens when we slow down. 

Love slows down; stress, fear, and anger speed up.